He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They have beer where we have blood.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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