What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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