if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
