Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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