Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
