So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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