I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize