1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
