I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
