he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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