apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
