Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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