hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
