This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
