glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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