Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
