I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
