I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
