Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize