I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
