pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
