I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i've created a new STD.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
