He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
