No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
