i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
