i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
