My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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