Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
