we have officially lost it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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