i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize