Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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