I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
