Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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