woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
