i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
