I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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