I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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