He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
