Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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