she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
