You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
