How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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