Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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