On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
