By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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