I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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