Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
