Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
