Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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