I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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