I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
