i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
