and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
