Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
