we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
