My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
