At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
