I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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