Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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