do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
