I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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