So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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