I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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