This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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