He uses pillows to masturbate.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
