The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
