I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
