i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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