His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
