Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
