Michael Bay diarrhea
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
